The Midseason Report Card Awards Award-Fest Report

So we’re at week nine of this fabulous fantasy season (and real NFL season too, I suppose), which, for those of us who are mathematically challenged, is approximately midway through the year. What better time to take stock of where our teams stand and where we project for the rest of the year? Or, more accurately, what better time to make fun of Joel and Patrick’s hilariously bad teams and to brag about my insanely loaded undefeated fake-football juggernaut?

We’ll do a quick little team by team breakdown with some categories. Don’t worry, you’ll catch on quick. We’ll go in order by current place in the standings (On second thought, I might just write 12 entries about my team).

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The Name/Draft Grade Combo Poopoo Platter Extravaganza Laugh-Fest

DISCLAIMER – This is a recap of the fantasy draft that I recently did with all of my friends from college. If you weren’t part of this draft, it’s probably not going to be funny for you. But, if you want to learn something, I’ve included the draft results if you’d like to play along and pretend like you matter to us…

(Or more appropriately, ‘Doug tries to write fantasy football jokes and recapture his 2012 comedic form.’ Honestly, It took me 20 minutes to write this sentence. I feel like Coach Ritter playing pickup basketball with his high school kids and pretending that he’s still the guy who made Justin Anderson yell, ‘I’M GOING TO MARYLAND, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?’)

Well gang, welcome to the second annual post-draft write up in the history of our fine league. To be honest, I wasn’t planning on writing anything this year because, frankly, who wants to read the fantasy football musings of a guy who:

• Drafted CJ Spiller third overall last year.
• Has hitched his wagon to Dwayne Bowe for the last three years (and I wouldn’t be entirely opposed to trading for him this year – Jamal Charles can’t touch the ball every play!).
• Thought Stevan Ridley would get over his fumbling issues with a little encouragement (high and tight, Stevey!).

But, Joel asked me to write something, and he’s taking me to the Eagles vs. Redskins game in December, so I’m not really in a position to refuse his request (just think Nick, if it weren’t for Joel you could be calling in all kinds of favors right now). As in past years, we’ll do a quick analysis of everyone’s team names and draft results. If that’s not good enough, then tough toenails – 12 teams is a lot to cover.

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TheMulchPile is Back, Kinda

You’d been talking to your therapist about it for months.

The date was June 26th, 2013, and everything about your day was normal. You woke up, checked your twitter, and giggled with anticipation when you saw that a new TheMulchPile post was up. You thought to yourself, “I hope mornings like this continue to happen for the foreseeable future.” You read the clever little piece on the NBA draft, went through your day, and went to bed.  Continue reading