For the few of you who decide to forego the Puppy Bowl later and tune into that little football game they’re playing at the same time, The Mulch Pile has created its own Superbowl drinking game just for you.
- If anyone says the Roman numerals of the game without actually naming the number, drink VII seconds.
- If Alicia Keys messes up the National Anthem, finish your drink (don’t worry, this won’t happen – Alicia is a master of her craft).
- If anyone makes a gay slur, yell “CULLIVER” and that person has to finish their drink (NOTE: If someone on TV makes a gay slur the, previous protocol ensues, only everyone finishes their drink).
- If Roger Goodell gets booed, drink 10 seconds.
- If Ray Lewis cries, drink 8 seconds.
- If anyone mentions “deer antler spray,” drink 2 seconds
- If you see or hear the words, “pistol” or “read-option,” or if you see the formation, drink 2 seconds.
- If someone mentions how they wish Gus Johnson was calling the game, drink 2 seconds (this one could happen A LOT).
- During the halftime performance, chug until you realize that Beyonce is performing and that it might actually be a good show for once.
- If Randy Moss makes a catch, drink 1 second. If Randy Moss scores a touchdown, yell “STRAIGHT CASH, HOMIE!” and finish your drink.
- If Ed Reed makes an interception, drink for the duration of the return.
- If David Akers misses a field goal, drink 5 seconds (NOTE: If the kick is to tie, take the lead, or is in the 4th quarter, drink 10 seconds).
- If anyone mixes up the names of the Harbaugh brothers, drink 5 seconds.
- If you laugh at a commercial that no one else laughs at, drink 3 seconds.
- Every time a car commercial comes on, drink 1 second.
- If a beer commercial comes on and you’re drinking that beer, drink for 7 seconds.
- If you eat the last wing, chip, or other finger food, drink 10 seconds.
- If an unnecessary roughness is called, drink 5 seconds.
- If anyone mentions Manti Te’o, everyone drinks an imaginary drink (the person who mentions it, however, drinks a real drink as punishment for being unoriginal).
If the Superbowl goes anyway close to how I’m expecting it to, anyone playing this game should be feeling nice and rambunctious by the third quarter.
Oh and just for fun, allow me to share my all-time favorite Superbowl commercial ever created.