2 Chainz’s F***in’ Problem

OK, so I realize that A$AP Rocky’s song, “F***in’ Problems” (feat. Drake, 2 Chainz, & Kendrick Lamar) is like 5 months old, but since A$AP’s album, Long.Live.A$AP, just came out a week ago I’m still calling this post relevant. And if you disagree, you can go suck a lemon.

Before we go any further, here is the song’s music video. If for some reason you haven’t heard this song yet (in which case you should probably be embarrassed), go ahead and watch the video. If you have heard the song already, watch the video anyway with this task in mind: In this song, how many different words does 2 Chainz aka Tity Boi actually say? Ready? Go!

If you watched the whole video, you’re a sucker. You only needed the first 30 seconds. By my count 2 Chainz aka Tity Boi says 15 unique words. That’s it. Do you think 2 Chainz aka Tity Boi is proud of this song? If he has grandkids some day (I was going to make a joke about him being a grandfather here but then thinking about it made me feel queasy), will he tell them about the time he killed that track with A$AP, Kendrick, and Wheelchair Jimmy?

Let’s consider this for a second. If you’re 2 Chainz aka – OK I’ll stop now – and you’ve made a meteoric rise through the hip hop world (I know, right?), you’ve worked closely with Kanye West (really?), you have your own album (somehow), and you’re a grammy nominated artist (c’mon!), and A$AP calls you to get on his song to say 15 words, wouldn’t you balk at that?

My guess is that 2 Chainz was really excited about this song at first. Think about it; if you get invited to rap on a song with A$AP Rocky (a pretty good lyricist), Drake (an awesome rapper if not whining about being a platinum-selling hip-hop millionaire), and Kendrick Lamar (when I die, I want to be reincarnated as a Kendrick lyric), shouldn’t that validate you as an actual, respectable, lyrically-talented rapper? Conventional wisdom would say yes, but the opposite happened. By whoever was in charge of this song, 2 Chainz was deemed not worthy of being on a track with these other three artists. “Sure, we’ll use your name and popularity,” they said, “but you sure as hell aren’t going to rap on here!”

So what’s the point of this? Why do 2 Chainz or his feelings matter to us? Valid question. I believe we’ve stumbled onto an excellent, real life phenomenon. I call it…drumroll please…”Getting Tity Boi’d.” Put simply, “Getting Tity Boi’d” is when you are asked to be part of something awesome that turns out to be a total slap in the face.

Here’s a hypothetical: a year from now, after my blog has exploded and I’m a massive internet celebrity, ESPN calls me and asks me to work on an NBA feature with their staff. Here’s my initial reaction…

So, I spend the next week and a half working on nothing but this article. I even simulate my Madden online franchise games for the week because I’m working so hard (well this hypothetical just got VERY unrealistic). But, when the piece runs, all but 15 words of my contribution are edited out. My name is still on there, which is great, but I’ve been indirectly told that my writing is not good enough. I’ve been “Tity Boi’d.”

“Getting Tity Boi’d” can happen on a smaller scale as well. If you get invited to play pickup basketball by your friends, and you’re the 11th guy there, you’ve been “Tity Boi’d.” If you get a text from the hot girl (or guy, for the two ladies that probably read this blog) in your class, but they’re asking for the homework assignment, you guessed it, you’ve been “Tity Boi’d.”

Let’s make one more thing clear. When I say getting “Tity Boi’d” involves being slapped in the face, you don’t have to be insulted (Sorry, am I the only person who can’t help but giggle every time I hear the words “tity” and “slapped in the face” in the same sentence?). Let’s say it’s the first week of the semester in college, and you’re headed to the biggest party of the weekend. You spend 20 minutes getting ready (or 3 hours for the girl equivalent), and you’re even wearing your non-poopstained underwear (girls don’t poop, so we’ll just say you’re wearing your sexy outfit), but when you get to the party it’s been busted and the keg’s been tapped (or for the ladies, you forgot your water bottle of your dumb girl drink). You’ve been “Tity Boi’d.”

We see this in pro sports as well. Pau Gasol has two rings, an NBA Rookie of the Year Award, four All Star Game appearances, two Third-Team All NBA Awards, one Second-Team All NBA Award, is respected in the medical field for his knowledge about surgery, enjoys classical music, is multi-lingual, and played 21 minutes last night while Earl Clark played 35. Can you say “Tity Boi’d?” Alex Smith leads the 49ers to a 6-2 record, goes 18/19 passing in a game, gets concussed, and doesn’t play again. “T-I-T-Y Boi’d.”

Here’s what I want to see. In the comments section of this post, let me know if you’ve ever been “Tity Boi’d” or if you can think of a famous example. If we get some good (by good, I mean funny) ones, I’ll consider writing a follow up of the top “Tity Boi-ings” or something.

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3 thoughts on “2 Chainz’s F***in’ Problem

  1. Haven’t missed a class all semester…been to teachers office hours multiple occasions…and second to last class the teacher tries to go around naming everyone in the class (out of a 70 person lecture)…gets about 50% correct…but my point is she attempts to guess everyones name (going row to row) but out of the whole class forgets to guess my name….TityBoi’d??

  2. Pingback: The Philadelphia Eagles’ ‘Hottest MC’s List’ | The Mulch Pile

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