2 Chainz’s F***in’ Problem

OK, so I realize that A$AP Rocky’s song, “F***in’ Problems” (feat. Drake, 2 Chainz, & Kendrick Lamar) is like 5 months old, but since A$AP’s album, Long.Live.A$AP, just came out a week ago I’m still calling this post relevant. And if you disagree, you can go suck a lemon.

Before we go any further, here is the song’s music video. If for some reason you haven’t heard this song yet (in which case you should probably be embarrassed), go ahead and watch the video. If you have heard the song already, watch the video anyway with this task in mind: In this song, how many different words does 2 Chainz aka Tity Boi actually say? Ready? Go!

If you watched the whole video, you’re a sucker. You only needed the first 30 seconds. By my count 2 Chainz aka Tity Boi says 15 unique words. That’s it. Do you think 2 Chainz aka Tity Boi is proud of this song? If he has grandkids some day (I was going to make a joke about him being a grandfather here but then thinking about it made me feel queasy), will he tell them about the time he killed that track with A$AP, Kendrick, and Wheelchair Jimmy? Continue reading

Building My Credentials

So in order for me to talk about sports (basketball in particular), I feel like it’s necessary to share my credentials with all of you, my readers (By the way, can we come up with a name for my readership? Sort of how Mark Titus had the “Trillion Man March” can we have something like “The Mulchciples?” Figure it out, readers.). Why do you need to know about my basketball background, you ask? Well, besides loving to brag about my experiences, I want to prove to you that I’m not just some nitwit in a Dikembe Mutombo jersey spouting off unfounded opinions about sports. I may be a nitwit in a Dikembe Mutombo jersey, but trust me, I know my stuff.

DISCLAIMER: If you aren’t interested in this, skip down a few paragraphs – the post will get funnier then.

I was an absolute basketball stud until I was about 12. I was by far the best player in my grade at Linden (the mulch pile days). I was like an eight year old Oscar Robertson – I had size, a dominant midrange game, and phenomenal footwork. I once beat a kid 100 to 9 in one-on-one in elementary school.

In middle school I played up a year in seventh and eighth grade, and would have played high school JV in ninth grade but it wasn’t allowed in our school district. During this period I played AAU for the prestigious Renegades Black, ranked as high as fifth in the country at one point. Comically enough, my basketball peak was reached during the ages 12-15. For some reason, I was playing with the best players in the world, and actually (sort of) held my own. Continue reading

The Welcome: Intro, Purpose, and Plans

If you’re reading this, you’ve somehow stumbled onto my blog, and for that, you’re welcome. If you’re wondering about the meaning of the name The Mulch Pile, head over to the “About” page to find out, but put simply this blog is meant for any crap (pun intended) that I want to talk about.

I’ve broken the site into four main categories: Life, Sports, Music, and Entertainment. These cover most aspects of my life, I’d say (besides my love of cheesesteaks and Nike Elite socks, but those don’t require any written expression), and are diverse enough so there’s something for everyone to enjoy. Ideally, I want all of my writing to be accessible, light, and funny, so if you don’t like music, or sports, or movies, or my life, read everything anyway because it’s going to be awesome. Continue reading